30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 2

Good morning everyone! Or I guess I should say good evening since I am about to head to bed after a 12 hour shift. Day 2 of the blog challenge: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
Fear #1: My ultimate fear.....heights. It's not your typical fear of heights. I have no problem climbing a ladder or flying in a plane. But get me up the ladder, and I can't come back down. Go ahead...laugh! As you can picture in your mind's eye...me, on a roof, attempting to get back on a ladder to come down....ABSOLUTE PANIC!!! I freeze with one foot on a solid surface and the other on the ladder. I shake and WILL start crying. OK.... compose yourself. It gets better. I discovered this fear when helping my ex-husband hang Christmas lights. No it wasn't on a ladder. He had the bright idea, being 6'3", that he would just put me on his shoulders and I would clip the lights onto the eave of the house. So I crawl on his shoulders and LIFT OFF!!! OH HELL NO!!! I think my fingernails caused some damage, but it was the vice-like grip I had around his neck with my legs that took him quickly back to the ground. Still laughing? Good!!! Not sure how this fear developed, but it is most definitely legitimate.
Fear #2: Spiders....need I say more!!!

This fear developed after a visit to my parents' house boat at the lake. One night after being out at the lake all day, I was walking back through the marina to my car. I had to pass under an over hang and happened to look up......bad idea!!! There were THOUSANDS of orb spiders all over the place. I panicked and ran. That night, and many nights to follow, I had nightmares of spiders dropping from my ceiling as I slept. I have been known to make Matrix-like moves to avoid a spider dropping from the ceiling or walking into a web. A few co-workers recently became informed of my fear of spiders and decided to chase me down with it. Later on that night, one co-worker walked by and barely touched my neck. Already on edge, I screamed, flew out of my seat and tears came to my eyes. No I wasn't crying....he scared them out of me!!! RIGHT?!?!?!

Fear #3: Clowns! This one developed from the movie we all know and hate. "IT"! The creepy little tune from the movie will stop me cold to this day. My ex-girlfriend loved them. The office in our house had tons of clowns. Some on a shelf, pictures on the wall, even the damn rug had a clown face on it. Needless to say, I never went in that room after dark. I swore they followed me with their eyes!!!
Anyways....thanks for reading! Look forward to tomorrow and the next challenge! Good Night!!!

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 1

So it has been a while since I've posted....a long while. I actually missed it. Even after only one blog post, I have felt opened up. Like there is another side of me that I have discovered and can't wait to fully understand.
I was challenged with posting something every day for 30 days. So far....not doing so well. I was supposed to have started Friday. Hmmmm let's see if I can do this.
For Day 1: Post a photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

So here I am....now you can put a face with a name.
As far as how my day was, I can't really tell you yet. It's 0634 and I have my cats to thank for me being up this early. Coffee just finished percolating and smells amazing. Now yesterday was a very different story. As you've read before, I bought a house!!! This little piece of property is my pride and joy! It has also cost me a lot of money! (I laugh while I say that) Most home owners know this is common. But the view and atmosphere is so amazing, I wouldn't trade it for anything. So yesterday, I got up early, made breakfast, picked up around the house the best I could, and headed to town. It was a shorter adventure than I had planned. The rain started falling as soon as I left the house for my 25 minute trek to town. Of course, I HAD planned on moving more of my things from storage. All of which could not get wet in the back of the truck. So cross that off my list of things to get accomplished today. I was able to go to the store and get a few things I needed prior to starting back to work tonight. I went to Wal-Mart.....need I say more? UGH! We are expecting a wintery mix of ice and sleet through today, and people down here in East Texas freak out a little with that forecast. So everyone and their extended family were there....again....UGH! I survived Wal-Mart!!! Without running anyone over with my buggy or my vehicle and with very few cuss words, I headed back home feeling slightly defeated due to my plans being changed. I am a bit obsessive when it comes to plans. Don't judge....
I get my goodies in the house and begin the process of prepping for my next project. Staining floors....a first for me. And guess what?!?! The stain doesn't match the existing stain in the bedroom. Luckily, the bare floor to be stained is in the closet!!! Hey! I can just keep the closet door closed. :)
Next project: lay base board. Again...another first for me. I'm also a little obsessive about reading directions. So, to lay the base board, I have to set up my new air compressor and brad-nailer. This took me approximately an hour. Who knew this could be so time consuming? I get my corner pieces put in, and prepare to lay the actual base board. I then have to prepare my new miter saw I bought to cut the board. I believe I mentioned once before how expensive home ownership can be. Not to mention, more directions I have to read through. After an extensive argument with the other person in the house (who thinks she is helping) over which 45 degree angle to cut it at, the piece is nailed into place. (BTW I won that argument) The "helper" was supposed to measure the wall and didn't. Therefore the piece was not long enough and ANOTHER trip to Lowe's is needed for more baseboard. TYVM. I had decided to do that another day since it is still pouring down rain. So we'll move on for now. I will skip all the particulars of my next project other than to say I will never hang another ceiling fan in my lifetime!!! I will pay MORE money to have it done by a professional, because that was pure hell!!!
Needless to say, yesterday was very rewarding for me. I felt very accomplished....and exhausted! East Texas is a good place for me. I have stepped out of my comfort zone, away from the bustling of city life, and feel peace. So where ever you are....enjoy the view and take a moment to be at peace.

So here I go....

Yes....it's taken me over a month to write my first post. Call it procrastination. I'm a master. But as I sit here in this hotel room, I feel....inspired. I have my classical piano music playing in the background. My "zoo" is asleep on the bed. I'm stoked that I am finally closing on my first home tomorrow!  But I won't be the first to tell you, that sitting in this environment, alone, so many feelings start to flood your head. Yes there is the excitement I mentioned, but with that comes doubt, anger, resentment, loneliness, anxiety....shall I go on? Did I mention it's freezing in here?! Damn hotel thermostats are finicky little creatures.

Doubt, a status between belief and disbelief, involves uncertainty or distrust or lack of sureness of an alleged fact, an action, a motive, or a decision. Buying a house! WOW!! I'm 33 and finally taking the big step at owning my first home!! Nothing massive or fancy, but it will be mine! To do with what I want. What a huge commitment! As a very wise woman I know said to me "Up to your asshole is debt!" Gee thanks! Do I paint it this color or that? Did I just bite off more than I can chew? What if something breaks? Can I fix it? Oh mercy! Did your head just start spinning too?

Anger, a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.  Neither of us have the time or mental strength to deal with the anger issues I have. Don't get me wrong. I am not a person that walks around angry at the world. Far from it actually. Not sure who came up with the saying "Those that anger you, control you", but it has changed my life. So we will move on for now. That may be another blog in itself!

Resentment, the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult. The only thing currently injured is my feelings. Let me just start by telling you that I moved down to Podunk East Texas from a bigger Podunk Texas for my daughter who has struggled the last few years with mental illness and drug abuse (yes I'm 33 and have a daughter old enough to abuse drugs). I thought it would be best for her to get out of rehab and start over in a new place with new friends and a new identity. She had built in friends here with 5 cousins, two of my sisters, and a head start on fitting in. That lasted about 3 months and she left me to go back to her old friends and old identity. I love my job as a nurse in a local ER and decided to stay. I resent the fact that she left me, that I moved my entire life for her and she didn't care. I wish she was here with me and we were moving into our first home together. But enough of that drama, I've had 5 months to dwell on that issue and I really just need to get over it and move on. Maybe I will....

Loneliness, no definition needed. OK....I see where I am headed with this post. Depressing!!! I guess my point I want to make, is that no matter what thoughts you have in your head when you are sitting in a cold dark hotel room (isn't there a song about that??) you make the choice of how you WANT to feel. Push the doubt, anger, resentment, loneliness, and anxiety away! I am choosing now to feel only excitement for my big day tomorrow!!!